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Hermitage

by Misgivings

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1.
Call It Off 03:45
Call it off, call it tough. Call it anything you want. But don’t leave it to be taunted and frustrated. Call your bluff, give it up. Am I so that nonchalant? Do I chew you till you’ve had enough of waiting? For all the worst mistakes I’m never gonna make. And the uncut cakes, and the cravings you won’t slake. Eat your words to say ‘getting older every day’s not getting bored’ Call it off, yeah, fall in on your sword. You stuck around in this town. Where you always said you’d leave. And you spoke about with grief and pure damnation. Roots you laid, plans I made. Rotten fruit for lemonade. Sitting quiet while you prayed for adulation. And all the worst mistakes, with all your usual grace. When the ribbon breaks, it’ll put them in their place. As another day well won, but it seems to me I’m having myself on. Call it off, yeah, in spite of everyone. You’ve got no reason to play fair. You’d cheat us all, and you don’t care. But I’ll leave my keys out just to see if you’re there. If you want to clear the air, I’d sell my pride and on this day. Times they’re changing anyway. Times they’re changing anyway.
2.
Now I don’t wanna say that I am built to last in a world that casts a scathing eye upon it’s past. But I surely know my history and I surely know my memory. And I’m surely not forgetting it too fast. What I wouldn’t give for the artless life. If I could live off the edge of a knife. Oh this artless life, want a gutless life. I’ll take the artless life. Everyone is singing out of tune. Everyone is stirring with the tasting spoon. And I’m so sick of writing. And I’m so sick of revising all the nights swallowed howling at the moon. But maybe I’ve got some big ideas too. I learned none of them from you. Why ask why? Why with all the things you knew. Did you always condemn? I suppose I do it too.
3.
Shameless 03:11
When you get up in the morning, I'll be drinking through the night with a poor excuse. I'm not feeling quite ready to meet you, I'm reeling from the glaring shine of the display.  I'll feel okay, when the next heave it comes through. You'll turn your head to leave, I'll learn oh but you won't stay.  When you're working borrowed time to keep your shit together. And you're tough as leather you just put it on the shelf.  And if your cold defences sense too much to uphold. I have a shameless song I claim I wrote myself. I'm not going away but I might sleep in.  The flame tires, keeping it burning.  One day we'll be barely certain. What tomorrow brings or what the whole damn thing is worth to anyone.  And it's supposed to be our own. So we can post haste our revision, to the yarns we've always spun. 
4.
I know you can’t see not for all But some rats they crawl below Your cell wall and it’s a matter of resolve To keep you involved in tow But it ain’t sound to say I’ve lost my edge or my ground Swallow your browned soul And you can take it or leave You wear pride on your green sleeve Underdog, under every misplaced word. Every distasteful slur. In your eyes, does it make you feel old? You can’t peel the mould off your blurred disguise. But I can hear it on your tongue. The terror forever young. And if the words don’t come so strong. I can hear it in the end, on your tongue.
5.
The New Lows 02:40
Your aging photo. The new ways to get home. No new adventure, no way to get lost. Dilute the new vogue. Rewrite the prologue. A book to dive into a void at any cost. The new lows, new numbers to fear. An heavy load comes into his hands numb. He’s never seen the outside of the whites of his eyes. Sandbox existence, no love for pretence. No time for anything that doesn’t make some sense. The new lows. When I say you’ll ask which way to go. When I’m bored, old and tired it won’t ease the load. The debts I owe, they’re piling up. For you each day I see them new. Won’t you spoil me too?
6.
I'm getting tired too easily. I’m getting bored three times as quickly. Even when I’m doing what I’m supposed to live for. Nothings feels just real to me, nothing feels like honesty. But when I try to take a break, I make it seem four. Johnny come late. I wish I'd try not to become what I create. And never be the last one to accept a fate. Never wait. Never sleep along the dark side of the road. We’ll never be unbowed. If we stay at home. Be a friend to all you see. Be the mend to broken trees. Even when the tough times call for tough endeavours. I bet I would do if I was free. If I wasn’t sour and salty. If I never fouled this bastard fucking country. Johnny come late. I wish I'd try not to become what I create. And never be the last one to accept our fate. Never wait, never stick out for the fair life that they told. They’ll never bare the load. If we stay at home. But it seems pure and natural. To wait out the eventual. I guess it’s nothing, nothing more than what you say. Nothing ventured, nothing gained from me today. I’m staying home.
7.
I don’t wanna know. Everything about you. I just wanna talk about it. I don’t wanna dance around it. I don’t mind bad news. And that the headlines never have been of my choosing. Never cared for all the nit picking, excusing. But I don’t always wanna have the final word. I’ll let you hear what you heard. I don’t wanna hear. All the new things that you’ve sussed. Been around for a while. I bare them with a smile. A flair for the obvious. But I might be paranoid, but it’s not crazy. To feel a little low sometimes. The sword of truth can cut deep, but I’m not losing any sleep. Confusion never came so cheap. Don’t be ashamed my friend. You know how the story ends. It won’t be long, till we’re all dead wrong. We’ve got time to make amends.
8.
The bad times go so slowly, the good times never last. I'm still waiting here, so lowly, in my prime and in my past. Sticking to convention, fucked up all my plans. So kick me under the bench, lug them all back in your hands. I was gasping for a break, and I put me through it. It never felt like a mistake, but it's not intuitive (for you) to be so cruel, and leave it high and dry way above the pool, like you always seem to do. In my secret closet, I entomb open fire. With a jerry-built composite of open wounds and old desires. I let the smoke come through to me, I boasted and gloated endlessly. Never good enough for you, and all the things you had me do. Any other day I might have somehow found the mystery But I have to say we're better off deleting history. But I keep hoarding up my heart just for you. That might sound pointless but it's what I'm supposed to but I won't do it I won't sit and dwell and watch it never yearn I might as well never learn and keep hoarding up my heart until it burns I let the smoke come through to me, I boasted and gloated endlessly Never good enough for you and all things you made me do Who am I to say there ain't a truth inside this scrap heap bay But i'll take my chances on this ash and ember dust cloud here today.

credits

released December 7, 2018

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Misgivings Portsmouth, UK

Fawcett Road hummus rock since 2013.

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